I did not have positive role models growing up.
My family inspired me to not do things. The only time I can remember looking up to people in a way to carry myself was a time time has finally distanced me enough from to feel comfortable enough to talk about.
It happened the summer of seventh grade.
I was trying to teach myself to assimilate with the kids at school by watching Mean Girls continuously for study, disregarding the message of accepting others the way they are and not tearing others down to build yourself up. It’s shameful to recall. It makes me feel icky, inauthentic, and impure. My new wanna-be identity did not do anything for me, except give me a fashion sense, or what I would call a fashion sense. Midway through I was diagnosed with diabetes. I had been feeling like I was dying for several months. I went home sleeping for hours, but I figured I was exhausted from the facade I was trying to act out. Eck.
One big movie from 2007 was Juno. I watched it in the spring of 2008 on DVD, remember DVDs? I remember being taken by Juno’s constant pop culture references, and how true to herself she was about who she was. I have been employing truthfulness with myself with age. As I comb my past, I see how diabetes (a lack of one hormone) was like blindness in how the lose of one type of hormone engendered others, and the angst awoke like a Kraken from the sea in the following summer. A pivotal time where I realized I disliked who I tried to be. I tested the waters of a false identity. In reality I was my best when I had no thought about whether or not I was my best. I was just me. Summer of 2008 Me had to be her own Mufasa, telling herself to remember who I was, and I continue to make my way to shore (Kraken metaphor again) while learning from my mistakes.
I will now practice the ancient, noble art of quoting Mean Girls.
“She doesn’t even go here.” Wasn’t that a theme in the movie: fitting in, being a certain way that the microsociety of high school deems the way to be, lest your presence not be palatable, and you won’t belong?
I have worked it out. I am a cross between Ms. Norbury, Janis, and the girl with a lot of feeling. I think that Janis and Juno would be great friends, should the fictional worlds of Juno and Mean Girls ever collide anywhere besides my dreams.It’s a world where Paulie Bleeker AND Aaron Samuels are leading men. It’s a world where the artsy outcast has sex and the regulation hottie is also mathlete, and everyone calls her a homeschooled, jungle freak behind her back. A world where middle school was worth crying over how much of a Utopia it was,where Mean Girls 2 does not exist, and it has an incredible soundtrack.