The Gary Busey Test

Problem: there exists the belief that a certain music artists can attribute most of their success on the fact that certain members are specimens of perfection that resemble seraphim; attractive and personifications of perfection.

Thesis Statement: in such a superficial society, looks do matter. In most cases looks have more bearing than actual talent.

Hypothesis: there is a way to figure out if a band is ONLY successful because of their looks…The Gary Busey Test.


  1. Picture one of your favorite music videos for one of you favorite musicians.
  2. Replace the singer(s) with Gary Busey, keeping the original vocals in tact.
  3. Think deeply, deeper than ever before and ask yourself if you still like the song.

Point: Oh yeah! I love listening to their face!

Counterpoint: Yes, a band can look good and sound good. Certainly, in cases when you hear the song first, the singer is beautified upon witnessing the actual person. But there are instances when we see a pretty face and fail to notice that they can’t carry a tune, and we in the science community call this “Thirst for the First.” It’s why people who read the book first haste the movie.

Point: What science?

Counterpoint: You wouldn’t understand.

Point: Okay, but why not call “Thirst for the First,” “The First Love Effect?”

Counterpoint: (scratches chin) Hmm. Yeah. (Beams from the birth of an epiphany) that sounds good! Yeah! Yeah! Thanks for your contribution to science!

Conclusion: At last when we someone says “You only like them because they are heart,” we can retort, “Let’s put that theory to the test.” We can lie to them and ourselves that they are still really good, even though we want to stab ourselves in the eardrums, and we can lie to ourselves as we lay in bed, telling ourselves that we still love them, as if we are a wife telling herself she loves her husband, even now that he is fat and bald. Much like Global Warming, the Gary Busey Test is science. Science that we can deny until we die, but the Gary Busey Test does not lie. The “Blurred Lines” music video would have been hilarious and many more times more creepy, had it feature Gary Busey lip syncing to the song.


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